Let’s get one thing straight: adrenaline doesn’t care about your injury. Just ask Marcella Hooker, a grandmother from Warsaw, North Carolina, who literally sprinted on a busted leg the second she saw $912,326 flash across her screen.

Well, holy crap. Someone in Ireland just woke up (or didn’t sleep at all) €250 million richer. Yes, million—with an “M.” That’s not just a “quit your job” kind of win. That’s a “buy your boss’s company, fire him, and turn the office into a llama sanctuary” kind of win.

Because nothing says "I love you" like flipping fate the bird and winning the lottery together.

So there’s this couple in Auburn Hills, Michigan — let’s call them the Luckiest Married People Alive™ — who just celebrated their wedding anniversary in the most unrelatable way possible: by winning two million freaking dollars on a scratch-off ticket.

Moral of the story? Clean your damn drawers.

You know that junk drawer you swear you’ll organize every weekend but instead keep stuffing with rubber bands, expired coupons, and old batteries? Yeah, well, one New Jersey couple just found a million-dollar lottery ticket in theirs. No metaphor. A literal, actual, government-certified, life-changing $1 million Mega Millions winner — just chilling between paperclips and who-knows-what for five months.

So here’s a feel-good head-slapper for you: Gary MacDonald, 60, wakes up at 5:20am, checks his email, and sees that vague, shady little subject line: “Good news about your ticket.” Naturally, he thinks, “Cool, maybe I won £35.” Spoiler: he did—and also another tiny amount of £5.2 million. No big deal.

Alright, let’s talk about the kind of moment that makes you question reality — or at least your morals at the gas station counter.

Some poor soul in New Jersey walks into a convenience store to buy scratch-offs (because the stock market is too slow) and spots a rogue $100 bill on the counter. Now, most people would quietly thank the universe, pocket it, and pretend they didn’t see anything. But not this guy. Nope. Our accidental saint turns around, asks the crowd if anyone lost it, and insists the clerk put it in an envelope for the "lost and found" — because apparently, that's still a thing outside of middle school.

So here’s a story about marriage, money, and mildly competitive revenge.

Meet E. Withers, a regular dude from Arkansas who probably thought his biggest win in life was his wife — until she rubbed her $50 lottery win in his face. Naturally, Withers did what any husband with an ego and $10 would do: he went out the next day and bought the same scratch-off ticket, probably thinking, "If she can win $50, maybe I can buy a Coke and a Slim Jim with whatever I win."